Mid-life?

I might have touched upon this earlier in some form. It just seems that this subject has appeared again in my mind. I guess I have lately (again?) been taking stock of my life. What have I done? What have I accomplished? You know. The usual questions about life.

I find that I oftentimes have too many thoughts and ideas going on through my head. Sometimes I will have certain revelations, but I don't get the chance to act upon them or to record them for reference. Then such revelations are forever lost. Sometimes I will think about what I'm good at or what I would like to do. Again, I don't seem to have or find the chance to act upon them.

I suppose that life can be full of missed opportunities. But how do you know when an opportunity really presents itself to you? Sometimes I feel so clueless about such things. Just how many opportunities have I lost along the way? How many opportunities was I able to identify along the way? I don't think I'll ever really know.

I suppose there are times when I feel that have pretty much settled for my lot in life. It's not necessarily all that bad my life. However, I'm pretty sure it's not as fulfilling as it could be. So what do I need to do to change things? I find that I am rather wishy-washy about things. Again, I tend to "float" along this river called life. I might occasionally come across a fork where I would need to make a decision. Have I taken the road less travelled? Or have I been taking the path of least resistance? I can't exactly back-paddle to find out. This is the direction I have been heading. I may as well just continue down it. See what's up around the curve.

I remember when I was high school that I had a tendency to write an awful lot. However, I question now the quality of the writing I was doing back then. I wish I still had the compositions I wrote back then. It would give some indication as to what sort of style I wrote, if there was some sort of style. Also, it would help figure out what was going on in my head back then. High school was not exactly my most favorite years. But I'll save that narrative for another blog entry.

With regards to writing, I guess at one point in time I had aspirations of being a writer. However, I don't think I ever had the imagination for it. I remember making a few feeble attempts at writing about something. It never amounted more than a page of stuff. It was only much later that I realize I did not quite have the "experience" or knowledge to really write about something (fiction or not) intelligently. If I were to write something, I would want it to be somewhat broad in scope. Something that would in a way give the big picture. I guess it's rather difficult to explain this.

Anyway, I played hooky this evening from class. I guess all of the evening classes are starting to take a toll. Also, trying to maintain some sense of a social life is tough too. I hashed for the first time in over a month this past weekend. It was nice to to something other than homework. I like talking to people. However, trying to be social when you're slightly inebriated is not so good. :-p