Too Much Joy

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Enjoy!

Music That Define a Moment

Over the weekend I was re-discovering some music I have. In this case, it's the band Too Much Joy.

The first and only time I saw them perform was in the summer of 1991. I had just split from L and I was feeling a bit rebellious and carefree. That day I was out with some friends and had just bought a leather biker-style jacket. It was something that I had wanted for some time. I had also picked up some CDs which I managed to keep in the inside pocket of the jacket. It's funny how one remembers such details.

Later that evening, we went over to T.T. the Bear's Place to catch a show. I think it was Galaxy 500 that opened. Then on came Too Much Joy. The one thing I remember was the singer coming out in a wrestler/bondage mask. In any case, it was a really cool show. I really had a good time. Oh to be young and carefree again! :-)

Vacation

Well, earlier this past week I went ahead and did it. I booked and paid for tickets to Japan. I will be leaving September 29th and returning October 14th. Hmmm, W did say I could crash at his place, didn't he? I better doublecheck. ;-)

Next: Should I get a JRailPass or not? Hmmm...

Rebound Relationships

While Googling, I came across this. It's something that I would like to try to avoid, but it's not something easily controlled.

What is a rebound relationship?

So what happens when two people who are relatively "fresh" out of a relationship hook up? Could that be called a double rebound?

What am I aiming for?

Today is one of those days when, under the influence of monthly hormonal imbalances, that the mind starts to wander.

Today, I wonder what it is I want. What do I want at this point in time. What would I like in a few months time? How would I like to see my personal life? Where would I like to see my professional life go? So many questions and so few answers at the moment.

I guess to some degree I feel somewhat undecided about some things. Hrmmm.. I hate when my mind gets muddled with such things...

Funny Coincidences

A couple things of note from last night's "date":

1) The last movie we had gone out to see was "Superman Returns".
2) He drives a Golf, albeit and older one.
3) He was parked right behind me.

Just coincidence? Or is it suppose to mean something? Things that make you go "Hmmm".

More Bike Stuff

So I went to MEC again today to get a few more things: inexpensive bike stand, chain cleaner, cleaning fluid, chain brush thingy, tenacious oil, and a t-shirt. I think the dude in the bike department will start to recognize me if I keep this up.

I managed to put the bike stand together. It was missing some washers which I had some extras of. The bike seems to be fairly stable for what I want to do. While I was setting things up, I figure I'd start cleaning the bike. I managed to take the rear wheel off. I started to clean the cogs. Holy crap is it ever filthy!! :-p

I tried to use the chain cleaner with the wheel off. It didn't work so well. I managed to put the rear wheel back on. Chain cleaner works much better. I tried to lock the brakes back into place. What a b*tch and a half!! It took me a while before I managed to clip the brakes back into place.

In the end, the bike is still filthy. There's thing of degreaser lying around. I will probably use that. Bro suggested getting those disposable latex gloves. Saves time on the clean up afterwards. I guess this cleaning project will have to continue tomorrow.

In the meantime, I ordered a copy of Zinn & the Art of Mountain Bike Maintenance from amazon.ca. I should get it in a few days. This should complement the Road Bike Maintenance book I got a little while ago.

Post Date

Well, the date did not last as long as I thought. The reason being that he had some relatives coming in the next day and had not done any cleaning. However, he said he had fun. Will we see each other again? Sure why not. Second date to be planned.

Hmmmm. I sort of have mixed feelings about the whole thing. On the whole, it was an okay date. There wasn't anything that was horrendously negative. It wasn't unpleasant. The conversation was indeed rather interesting at times, to say the least.

Let's see what happens next.

It's 5:00PM...

.. do you know where your brain/sanity/sensibility is?

So I just got home. I think I was starting to run out of steam on my ride home. I just did not think I was pedalling as hard as I could. My legs were starting to feel tired. Nevertheless, I perservered. I think I still made good time. Now I'm just plain hot and sweaty. :-p

I should grab a bite to eat before I head out this evening. But what the f* should I have? I don't want anything too heavy. I don't want anything too complicated either. Looks like I will be exploring the cupboards and the fridge a few times before I'm happy with some selection. :-p

I had hoped I could grab a quick nap before going out. However, in between taking a shower and grabbing a bite to eat, that might not be possible. At least I had a shot of espresso around 1:30. I don't know when the caffeine will kick in. Maybe I will just fall asleep in the middle of a round of pool. :-o

Anyhoo..

Mid-day Musings

To date, I've lost nearly 10 pounds. This is all within the past 5 weeks. It might be a bit much for such a short period of time, but under the circumstances, the initial weight loss is explainable.

How to maintain and continue the weight loss? I am determined now to continue on the right track to getting into shape. Recently, I had bought the trainer for the road bike. As well, I have been trying to ride into work as much as possible. If, for some reason, I do not or cannot, then I will put time on the trainer. I think this extra effort is starting to show. My legs are starting to become more toned. I am maintaining the weight lost as well as trying to lose more. I feel I have more strength and endurance. The only thing left to correct is my lack of sleep. :-p

On top of all this, I am also trying maintain smaller portions for meals. I am still trying to eat healthy. I avoid buying junk food at home (at work I might get the occasional candy bar). I've also been drinking a lot of water.

Every so often I consult my brother if I have any questions about activities or diet. Being the athlete that he is, he's quite knowledgable in this stuff.

Seven hours before date...

Running on adrenaline

It's been more than 4 weeks since I had a good solid night's sleep. I think I have been averaging about 5 hours of sleep each night. This is not good. I'm sure at some point I will just come to a screeching halt. Crash and burn. I think in an attempt to avoid this I will take it easy this weekend. Probably sleep in as much as possible. Take the occasional nap when it's needed. Then, hopefully by Monday, I will feel a bit more energized.

With the lack of sleep, I really think it's the adrenaline kicking in when I ride to work. This week, my times were better than before. I think I shaved off nearly 2 minutes on my time. That's pretty good, I think.

Date tonight. What to wear? Hmm, nothing too frilly. I think I will just keep it simple. Neat and tidy. A hint of fragrance? Now that there is no smoking in pubs and bars, one might actually smell the fragrance of something other than cigarettes! In any case, I hope my date doesn't expect me to put out on the first date! ;-)

Right now, this particular period in my life is reminiscent of the time just before I left Boston and ran off to Chicago. There was a sense of being carefree with a hint of rebellion. I had no real job at the time, I was single and I didn't have a real plan. The difference this time is that I do have a job. If I run off anywhere this time, it will be as a more mature adult with some semblance of a plan. :-)

Let's see what the future holds...

Dis n' Dat

Ugh! I find that I still have a hard time getting a full night's sleep. Sometimes I think it's because I have been staying up late a lot lately. Normally, I would be in bed by about 10PM. Now, I'm usually going to sleep somewhere between 11 and midnight. Given that my wake-up time has not changed, I am losing a couple hours of sleep each night. On top of that, I have been waking up in the middle of the night a lot. :-p

I think tonight, I will limit and evening chats and call it a night by 10:00PM. I will make myself go to sleep. I need to get back on track and re-energize. Wanting to take a nap in the middle of the day is not good.

Hot date Friday? I don't know. In any case, I have a "date" with someone Friday evening. I won't divulge too much here for the moment. I really don't know what to expect from this. He was the one who suggested getting together. Originally it was supposed to have been 2 weeks ago, I think? However, something came up and it got postponed. I currently perceive him as a serial dater as he has mentioned having a date everyday some weeks. Will I just be another notch on his date list? Who knows. Eh, whatever. At least I have a reason to go out! :-D

Police say man calls 911 for 'hot chick' - Boston.com

Police say man calls 911 for 'hot chick' - Boston.com

First one woman does it, now a guy? What's going on out there?

Today's Babbling

Today I would like to wish Shawn a very happy birthday. So, without further ado, HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHAWN!

There are other people whose birthday is today. They know who they are.

This evening I watched The Tao of Steve. It's an interesting little film. I think it originally came out in 2000. It's worth a watch.

Today, I was rather busy at work. The morning was a bit slow because there was some troubleshooting to be done. Once that was out of the way, we were able to commence testing. By 4:30, we had had it. So, tomorrow we will continue. It will probably be another full day, but at least it will be a busy and hopefully productive day.

I thrive on a certain amount of stress. I find that I am not satisfied with the work that I am doing unless there is a certain level of stress or pressure. Of course, I can only handle so much stress and pressure. I know that I need a break when I start cursing like a drunken sailor. ;-)

Things I have to keep in mind: Do not lose focus on what is important at the time. I do not need too many distractions in my life at the moment. Of course, I do need to pay some attention to my social life. However, it should not dominate my life either. I need to ensure a balance in all aspects of my life.

Was listening to: New Order

Denial of Age

Well, someone just *had* to remind me that next Tuesday I will be 38. :-p I don't even feel that I am 37 nevermind 38!! How did this happen? When did this happen? I think that mentally I am still at least 5 years behind what I am age-wise. Physically? Well, that's up for debate. :-p

In any case, I hope to pass a quiet and uneventful birthday. Although, somewhere in the back of my mind, I wonder if anyone isn't thinking of planning something.

Last night I watched Poppoya. It's a rather sentimental Japanese movie about a railroad man and his losses and gains. I've watched this before a few times, but this time around, maybe it's hormonal or something, I got all choked up during some of the sad scenes and not so sad scenes. I like this movie nonetheless.

Currently listening to: Tri-State (album) by Above & Beyond

Chill-out Sunday

Just some usual stuff today: groceries, laundry. These are things that still need to be done whether I like it or not.

I made another trip to MEC today. What did I get this time? A rear fender to keep my *ss dry when the roads are wet. Another pair of cycling shorts. A spare tube for the road bike. A Filzer multi-tool thingy. A Polar F4. A couple pair of cycling socks. Another sports bra. And a cycling top that's got a cool image of a bike gear printed on it. I have to stop making these trips to MEC...

The rest of the afternoon, I just sorta chilled. Took a short nap. Read the paper. Rather boring, but it's quiet and calming. Currently, I'm listening to etn.fm's progressive station. Some nice mellow tunes right now.

So on a day like today, I try not to think too much about anything at all. Sometimes, you just need to clear your mind of some things and focus on the more mundane things. This way, there is some sense of stability and normalcy in life.

Before you know it, the weekend will be over and then it's back to work. :-p

I will have to try to get more riding in this week. I will prob use the trainer tomorrow morning. I will try to ride to work the rest of the week. I know I can keep up with this regimen!

Confooosed!

Sometimes, I feel a it confused over what I should or should not be doing. Should I be persuing new relationships? Should I take more time for myself? Should I buy smooth or chunky peanut butter?

It's obvious that decisions are not handed to you on a silver platter. Much thought is required here.

In other things..

I went out to Finnegan's to drop off some mail for the ex-in-laws. They've been great about the whole situation. I guess it does pain them that they do not hear from their boy very often. They seem to know about as much as I do as to what's going on with him. In any case, I hung around most of the morning before heading back.

At home, a friend of D's called to see how I was doing. He hadn't tried to contact him yet, but might give him a call this week at work to do lunch or something. It was very kind of J to call to see how I was doing. We both agreed that it's probably best not to press for more information than D is ready to give.

Afterwards, I decided to take a nap. I had just swept/cleaned the garage when J called. I think I will watch a video after supper. It's been a fairly quiet day.

People of Interest

It's a bit scary when you realize that there's someone who is interested in you. It's even more scary when there's two.

With the one, the motives seem genuine. There does not seem to be any hidden agenda. He seems "normal". With the other, the motives are questionable. There is something that makes one go "hmmm". There's a bit of kink to him.

I'm really not sure what to do next. I would like to meet the "normal" one and find out more about him. The other has an air of intrigue that piques my curiosity.

Gaaaah!!

Wanderlust

Wanderlust is German loanword, commonly used as meaning "love of travel". Others consider it to be a simple compound of wander + lust.

"Wanderlust" commonly means something close to having an itch to travel, to get out and see the world. It's not quite the same as the German, but the ideas of embracing an urge to travel in the outdoors is roughly equivalent. - courtesy of Wikipedia

Lately, and perhaps I might have mentioned it before, I feel that it's time for some change. A change of what? Perhaps of scenery, of job, of life. Whatever the case may be, I feel a need for change soon. Let's see what the cards hold...

Do I want to be caught?

After re-reading my friend's comment about me being a catch, this question comes to mind: Do I want to be caught? It's something that I am sort of mulling over.

I still haven't heard back yet from my friend W, but I haven't closed the door on the possibility of a move to Japan. At the same time, I've been getting to know somebody. We haven't met yet, but that's in the works. I remember in an earlier chat I did mention the possibility of the move. But does he remember this little bit of information? I don't want to end up in a situation where things get too deep and someone gets hurt. This is a bit of a conundrum.

Quotes and Self-Esteem

"What came first - the music or the misery? Did I listen to music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to music? Do all those records turn you into a melancholy person?" - High Fidelity

If the world of dating allowed the use of references, I'd probably have them lining up at the door! However, I don't think it works that way. So far, from both male and female friends, I am receiving wonderful, supportive comments. It certainly helps to keep the ol' self-esteem up and running!

"But you are a prize girl! Every thing I would like in a girl, I know you aren't the L word. As a guy I would have wanted someone exactly like you. Computer geek, smart, cute, funny and I am sure lovable! What else could any one want? ... Remember, you are one hell of a catch and you will get caught again if you are open to it." - B

What do you do with such glowing references? Too bad you can't use them as you would in a job application! :-D

Anyway, in other things, I hope I haven't scared off a particular person of interest. I know he's pretty busy, so I really don't expect his undivided attention. There's no sense in going in that direction until we actually meet. But I don't want to indirectly expect some sort of commitment. Hmm, must remind myself to go slow and take it easy. Little baby steps. :-)

Aural Sensations

What have I been listening to today?

• Elvis Costello


• Dire Straits


• Bettie Serveert

I seem to be in the mood to listening to some "older" stuff from the 80's and 90's. Otherwise, if I just want to listen to something for the sake of just listening to something in the background then I might open up either XTC Radio or Proton Radio which could both be picked up via iTunes Radio under electronica. I like this kind of music sometimes. It's the kind I like playing in the background if I am not in the mood for anything in particular.

Other recent aural sensations: The Pixies, Smashing Pumpkins, the Offspring.

I used to be so into my music when I was in high school. The local music scene in Boston was quite big at the time (the 80's). I really did not like the Top 40 crap that was playing on the radio. Thus, I built up a craving for indie or alternative music. I discovered during this time some "older" groups like The Pretenders, the Kinks and the Clash (ok, they did release some stuff in the 80's).

During my university years, my attention to music waned a bit for obvious reasons. However, I tried to stay on top of what was coming out. After graduation, it really took a bit of a turn because I had to start looking for a job to pay for college. :-p

These days, the occasional movie with a really great soundtrack is what gets my attention. Off the top of my head, the music used in "High Fidelity" grabbed my attention. There was an interesting quote they took directly from the book and used in the movie. Unfortunately, I have to look it up since I can't remember it verbatim. :->

Banana Bread

This is a tried and true recipe from the Fanny Farmer Cookbook (my copy is quite dogeared). The chocolate chips is my addition. For a more healthy twist, you could substitute 1/2 cup of the flour with ground flax seed. :-)

3 ripe bananas, well mashed
2 eggs, well beaten
2 cups flour
3/4 cup sugar
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 coarsely chopped walnuts (or chocolate chips)

Preheat oven to 350F. Grease a loaf pan.

Mix the bananas and eggs together in a large bowl. Stir in the flour, sugar, salt and baking soda. Add the walnuts and blend. Put the batter in the pan and bake for 1 hour. Remove from the pan to a rack to cool. Serve still warm or cooled, as you like it.

Cooking For One - 101

Something I have to re-learn is how to cook fewer servings. I have gotten used to cooking enough for two with leftovers for lunch. However, as my brother has been insisting, leftovers are not nutritionally as good the next day. I don't know if there is any scientific proof of this, but anyway I suppose it's best not to have too much left over. From past experience, sometimes the left overs stick around longer than intended. ;-)

One sure bet recipe that I like to make is fried rice. This version of mine is so easy to make. Usually, fried rice is made with cold, leftover rice. This is because the rice would be more individual and not as sticky. I usually just cook up a fresh portion of rice for this. Other than rice, the standard additions are scrambled egg, green peas (usually frozen) and some sort of meat diced up (I usually use Chinese sausage or bbq pork). Some variations to this could be diced carrots, chopped onions, diced shrimp, chopped scallions (added towards the end). The combinations of ingredients for fried rice is endless. As for proportions, I'v never meaasured. I usually eye-ball it and toss it in.

Basic recipe:

1 cup uncooked white rice (NOT UNCLE BEN'S!!!)
2-3 eggs scrambled (not moist scrambled, but a more well-cooked scrambled)
~1/2 cup frozen peas
~1 cup diced meat (ham, shrimp, chicken, or any combination thereof)
oyster sauce
hot sauce
pepper

Cook rice in a rice cooker or according to instructions. When cooking process is done and rice is steaming, the eggs should be scrambled and set aside. Heat pan or wok with a little oil, add meat and stir-fry for about a minute. Toss in peas which have been defrosted under water and drained. After stir-frying this for another minute or so, add the cooked rice. Stir-fry to combine all together and evenly. Add seasonings: pepper to taste, a bloop of oyster sauce, a dash of hot sauce. Continue to stir-fry for a few more minutes. Add back in the scrambled eggs and combine.

The instructions above may be a little flaky, but this is a product of my improv style of cooking. :-) Most everyday cooking I do are not based on a recipe. Some more specialized dishes I would use a recipe just because it's handy (like Ponzu Shrimp and Soba in Spicy Peanut Sauce).


Currently listening to: Elvis Costello

Favorite Song by _____

Lately, I've been listening to a lot of music. I think that in recent years I have been neglecting my ears in this respect. I remember when I was in high school that I was so into the music of the times. Okay, so it was the 80's, but mind you I was not one to listen to Top 40 radio back then. I was into what was considered Alternative back then. This meant that a lot of Brit pop found its way into my ears.

To start things off...

The Police - Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic
The Cure - Why Can't I Be You?
The Smiths - How Soon Is Now
The Fixx - Saved by Zero

More as the come to mind. :-)

To fling or not to fling

At some point, when I started to peruse the sites, I had it in my head that I should just maybe look for a summer fling. I don't think I'm ready for anything serious just yet.

So, what if there is someone that seems to catch my eye for whatever reason? Should I still apply the fling rule? Or should I just take it as it comes and see what happens? I guess the gist of the matter is that I don't want any serious commitments at the moment. Isn't that what dating is about? Actually, just what is the difference between dating and a relationship?

That's my question since Lavalife gives you the choice of advertising your wares in three different areas: Dating, Relationship, Intimate. So what exactly is the difference between Dating and Relationship? The Intimate encounters section is pretty obvious.

Here's what I think... You date if you're not ready for a serious commitment. However, if things click in a certain way, maybe it could become something more serious. Also, with dating, you are not committed to just one person. However, if you so choose, you could date monogamously or not, although I tend to think most people date more than one person at a time.

Relationships, on the other hand, require that monogamous commitment. You start seeing someone exclusively. However, how can you start a potential relationship without dating first? Hmmm...

What Do Men Want? And What Do I want?

After having perused the various online dating sites for about two and a half weeks, I am beginning to wonder what it is that men want? This is what I've seen so far:

• The younger men seem interested in older women thinking that they might be sexually frustrated and feel that they can be of "service".


• The older men seem interested in younger women because, I guess, they just want a much younger woman.


• The men closer to my age? Well, they just seem more fussy or are into something, uhm, unconventional.

So where are the normal guys out there? By normal, I mean, not having some bizarre quirk or fetish. I'm thinking more along the lines of boy meets girl, they fall in love, yada yada yada. I don't think I'm asking for too much here. I guess it's the romantic side speaking.

As for me, I know I'm not some hot looking babe. I consider myself rather average. I can't be that bad if I have had boyfriends in the past. I would like someone to like me for who I am and not what I am. That's not too much to ask is it?

And what exactly do I want? I would like to find a nice, honest fella. Someone you can have great conversations with. Someone you can confide in and vice versa. Someone to share both the good and bad times with. Someone who is supportive of you and you of him. Someone for whom the feelings are there every day (and vice versa). Okay, so the guy should at least be easy on the eyes too. ;-)

Anyway... I guess I could just dream for a while...

Keeping Busy

Well, somehow I managed to keep myself pretty busy yesterday without imposing on the company of friends. I guess some stuff that should normally be taken care of had to get done. Even after spending some time putting the trainer together I still had the usual mundane chores to do: laundry, vacuuming, mopping, etc. Well, okay, maybe not so much the vacuuming since I just let the Roomba loose in the place while I go out on errands. ;-)

Anyway, I think I am starting to feel some attraction to this one fellow I have been chatting with. ;-) Haven't met yet, but I'd like to. I don't know just how ready I am to meet new people, but what the heck, gotta start somewhere. I just have to remember to take things one step at a time and not rush things. Of course, my future down the road is not totally clear yet. I'm still waiting to hear back from W.

In the meantime, it's back to the grind on a Monday morning. :-p

Shopping Spree - Sort of

Somewhat inspired to get on with my life and to continue certain active pursuits, I went to MEC today. And what did I get?

CycleOps Megneto trainer
Filzer Wireless Cycle Computer
MEC Spirit Velo Daypack
MEC Cycling Tank

Whew! I better check my bank account after this one.

Anyway, I managed to put together the trainer after having some issues with the carriage bolt that would secure the mag to the frame. Eventually, I managed to figure it out. Now the trainer is assembled. The next trick is to change the rear skewer on the bike with the one that comes with the trainer, otherwise, I can't mount it. :-p

With some fuss (again) I managed to mount the new cycle computer onto the Bianchi. Placing the transmitter on the fork of the bike was a bit tricky due to the shape of the fork. In any case, I think it's on alright now.

I am a bit bummed I can't try out the trainer yet until I get the skewer changed. I hope I can get that done soon.

Peaks and Valleys

It seems that for a while, I will experience at times peaks and valleys in the mood department. Perhaps I have certain expectations of what I should be doing or what position I should be in by now. As there has not been a whole lot of progress, I am feeling a little discouraged. As a result, I feel a little bit bummed. I think I am in a valley of sorts for the moment. Of course, it could be low blood sugar too.

Elsewhere, I cannot help but to check out the dating sites still. Even though I am not ready, I still peruse them. Why do I keep doing this? Am I just torturing myself?

Anyway, went out today. Did a little shopping downtown. I haven't quite calculated the damage, but I did pick up a few things at Lush. I also picked up a book and 3 DVDs. Maybe I should go watch one of them now. I think I'll go make a salad beforehand...

DVDs: "Under the Tuscan Sun", "Danny Darko" (Director's Cut), "Shaun of the Dead"
Book: The Wonder Spot by Melissa Bank

Woman asks 911 to send 'cutie pie' deputy - Boston.com

Woman asks 911 to send 'cutie pie' deputy - Boston.com

I hope I never become that desperate!

Changes

In an effort to bring back some order into the recent chaos, I started to re-arrange the livingroom. My brother had a good idea to reposition the entertainment unit from the corner of the room to align it with the wall. As a result everything will line up with the walls versus being at an angle.

With the changes about 75% done, the livingroom already has a different feeling. Slowly removing signs of the past.

Litmus Test

I have determined that the litmus test for emotional recovery is listening to Joe Jackson's "Breaking Us In Two".

Filling in the spaces

Well, most of his stuff has been moved out and into my garage to be moved at a later date. Now I have regained some space. It's incredible how in a span of four years how much STUFF is accumulated.

First things first. I need to clean up a bit. Lots of dust bunnies have revealed themselves. I will need to acquire some additional pieces of furniture, namely a couple of small bookcases. I might need to find a small chest to use for storing linens and things. I have been perusing the IKEA catalogue and website for ideas. IKEA is good if you don't want to spend too much for something that will last at least a few years. Most of the stuff I have is IKEA. They've held up pretty well.

Purging... I think in the process I will need to do some purging of stuff. I tend to be a packrat. I have a hard time throwing things out. This is very much the case for clothing. Some articles of clothing are still in perfectly good shape, but I just haven't worn them in ages. There are bins where you can drop off clothing to be recycled. I will probably do that.

Currently listening to: The Offspring

Hopeless Romantic? Me?

Sometimes I wonder just how much of a hopeless romantic I am. With the recent events, I sometimes find myself thinking about different scenarios that will probably never happen. Perhaps I've watched too many "chick flicks" to think that life will reach some happy ending after a series of bad events. I guess I am just deluding myself into thinking that happy endings happen in real life as they do in movies.

I suppose I really should start focusing on myself now. What choice do I have? I either wallow in self-pity or I take a deep breath and march forward. Being that I am not much one for the former, I am following the latter. It's counter-productive to just mope.

Some people say that things happen for a reason. It may not be faith or serebdipity, but things happen. I had decided last fall to sign up for courses at the ContEd of one of the universities here. I figured that I should brush up on more marketable skills. You just never know what's going to happen, so I might as well prepare. I've taken 5 courses so far and have gotten pretty good grades. Now that I am in my current situation, a friend of mine pointed out the coincidence of my taking courses along with the prospects in Japan. Who knows. :-)

I think for now, I will take each day as it comes. I will try to get out more with friends on weekends, whether it be just for a movie or a bike ride. If I get to meet other people, all the better.

Maybe I'm not ready for the market...

My brother is probably right. I should start doing my own thing first. I gotta be my own person for a while first before I start thinking about finding Mr. Right to share my life with.

Me: know what? you're right.. I'm not ready for the whole dating thing again
Bro: yea.. havesom fun
Bro: indie lifestyle for awhile..
Me: yeah
Bro: only agenda is yours.. its ez

I don't know what guys want since I was last on these sites. And to be honest, I think most of the good ones have been taken by now. :-p It's a little depressing to be this age and to see what's still left out there. At least at the online dating sites. What's with some guys taking shots of themselves shirtless? Is that really suppose to impress the women? I'm sorry, but it just doesn't do anything for me. I think what does it for me is a more natural pose with a genuine smile. :-)

Anyways, even if I were ready to date again, the place is currently in flux. He still needs to sort and pack his stuff. Then get a truck to haul it all away...

In the meantime, I think I will be planning a vacation to Japan in the Fall. I've got a place to crash at (thanks, W!). Now, I just need to find cheap tickets!! ;-)

John Cusack

It seems that I have been on a John Cusack kick as of late. Since the breakup I have watched "High Fidelity" about 3 times. Over the weekend I picked up "Must Love Dogs" and watched it with a friend. I wanted to watch "Grosse Point Blank", but I couldn't find it. I don't know what happened to the DVD so I ordered another copy from Amazon. On top of that I had also placed an order for "Tapeheads". Tonight I think I will watch "Being John Malkovitch".

Why the attraction to John Cusack? I'm not entirely sure to tell you the truth. I suppose that his boyish good looks were definitely a factor in his earlier movies ("Say Anything", "Sure Thing", etc.). His later movies as an adult, let's say from "The Grifters" on, shows his versatility to play a variety of roles.

Now, admittedly, I have not seen ALL of John Cusack's movies. I like John Cusack, but there are certain genres of movies that just do not appeal to me. For example, I have not seen "Con Air". There might be some I have not seen yet that I will at some point. I think John Cusack would have something to worry about if he knew there was a huge fan who has seen every single movie he's made. ;-)

So, will I ever get a date with John Cusack? I highly doubt it. ;-) I certainly don't want to end up being a stalker! It's bad enough there was that one guy who wanted a date with Drew Barrymore! I don't think I would want this to be turned into a movie! ;-)

Back on the market...

It's interesting how being back on the dating scene is sometimes referred to as being back on the market. It seems to give the connotation that we're pieces of flesh put out to be shown and sold. The meat market, so to speak.

So it's been officially 2 weeks since the breakup. I have started to peruse the dating sites. Since I don't frequent bars and clubs, I don't have too many alternatives. And where exactly have I been looking for "fresh meat"? The usual suspects: Lavalife, Match.com, date.com.

They each have they're way to hook you, reel you, then take your credit card number. Each site has their own "system".

On Lavalife, you buy credits to use towards either IM'ing or mailing a person of interest. There is no monthly fee. The initiator pays for the IM or mail. The receiver does not have to spend any credits. IM sessions are timed. Mails can be replied to as many times as you want. I find this most convenient, because you're not committing yourself to a whole month if you don't need a month to find your true love (or flavor of the week).

On the other sites it's all pretty much the same. A monthly subscription is required if you want to communicate with any person of interest. You can send winks or smiles to as many people you like, but that's about as much communication you can do for free.

Sometimes, you see the same people on the different sites. I find it most interesting if I see someone I recognize!!! :-o

Anyway, let the hunt begin! ;-)

Still trying to make sense of it all

Well, I guess I just have to accept the fact that sometimes love does not last forever. Even though my feelings for him had not changed, his had. He says that there's nothing wrong with me. If that were true, then something inside him was not true to the whole relationship. At least, not for the long term.

Nevertheless, I still need to fully and emotionally accept this. I think the rational side of me has more or less accepted it, but the heart still needs to understand it. Broken hearts do eventually mend, I hear.

So what is a girl to do? HIT THE ONLINE DATING SCENE!!!!!

Resilience and Recovery

Well, I ended up calling the folks on Thursday and letting them know what happened. I talked to Mom on the phone and sent my sister an email I had drafted. Mom was relatively calm and asked if I was okay. Later that evening however, both she and my sister came charging out with all sorts of stuff. "Did you change the locks?" "Did you get rid of all his stuff?" And on and on and on....

Anyway, I find it hard to explain to them my feelings and reasons for my actions. There seems to be a lot of contradiction in what's happening, but everything is under control. Despite what he's done, he won't come into the house unless he contacted me first. At least he respects my space. The next challenge is when he is ready to take everything out. He mentioned that she would be there to help. I already expressed my opinion on that. That is that she will not step foot into my home. He tried to plead. I said that we will speak about it when the time comes. He may have stepped all over my heart, but I will not let her step into my home. That much I know.

Other than that, I guess Mom convinced my brother and Dad to come up here for the weekend. This is fine by me. I can deal with Dad and bro. But if it were Mom and sis? Get me outta here!!!

Anyway, pretty tired right now. I think all the stress is taking a toll. At least I am now sleeping through most of the night. Some appetite has come back.